life limited

For me, life is limited when I grow frustrated. When I hear the deathly silence of the whistling plains, I grow frustrated. And to my own error, sometimes my friendships feel as if I am standing on the plains, with a breeze that whistles, unchanging, yet unbowing to my presence. This friction is expected I guess, as an immovable object meets an unstoppable force. Inactivity only causes friction is what I am trying to express.

With that in mind, let me share with you my last couple of weeks. On the day of my return from FNCC from the Sokahan conference, I was met with a lot of DK6 (Devil King of the 6th Heaven), manifesting in strangers around me. People visibly and expressibly upset by flight cancellations, overbooked flights, overall mass confusion and anger, and a general lack of common sense. From the one lady who go up mid-landing in Houston to pick up an item that launched itself 10 rows ahead in the plane and proceeded to have a verbal confrontation with the flight attendants as the plane's wheels touched down, and taxied to the gate, to the one mother at Houston's gate C20 who verbally berated and lightly injured her eldest son (who was acting up) by twisting his arm as she pulled him closer to her body, DK6 manifested in these people, understanding well that the Byakuren, Sokahan, Gajokai Conference was the first conference where I left feeling uneasy due to the nature of how much human revolution I had to endure just to leave Florida. As I expressed to my fellow Central Territory Byakuren, Sokahan and Gajokai comrades, this is the first conference where I've left feeling uneasy, but with a true sense of mission. There was no FNCC high to ride on when I returned.

My most recent frustration has been with my grandmother's current situation.

Prom April 2004

My grandmother returned to the hospital this past Sunday, with serious bleeding from her GI tract. It was not until Wednesday the doctors figured out the source of her bleeding, a benign polyp in her intestine ruptured a vein by applying significant pressure. It is not her health, or her current physical state that I've grown frustrated with. I am doing my best to support her everyday. It is, for the first time in my life, that I've seen her respond to me with her own FD (Fundamental Darkness) and specifically with DK6 arising in how she treats me. In the past two days, every time that I reach out and talk to her, she responds with "shut up!" or 「だまって!」.  My frustration is born where I want to rid her of her battle with the devil of illness. I want to help her, but I feel so helpless. I know that if I respond to her devil, I will do so out of my DK6 manifesting. I burden myself with challenging to overcome my own DK6 and her DK6. 

Honestly, I have never felt this tested in my own faith. Just saying this frustrates me, because I believe that I should already possess the strength to overcome this. In my own head, I can say, "obaachan has gone through this already with her heart attack (in September 2009). I should be fine because I handled myself fine during that trying time." Yet, my DK6 and her DK6 are manifesting at a stronger level, that this attitude won't suffice. Ultimately, it is because of this lax attitude that I become perpetually more frustrated. It is also because of this attitude that I've been a bad friend, because I know I haven't done enough to reach out to those who I can truly rely and are willing to support me. There are some that I haven't even reached out yet. And to those who have reached out already, I committedly thank you, from the bottom of my heart.

Regardless, this is the perfect opportunity to do my human revolution.

I also know that I must have greater appreciation. The doctor in 2009 truly thought my grandmother was going to die that night. Instead, she has prolonged her life for more than 1 year and 1 month. What an amazing feat! "Life is the most precious of all treasures. Even one extra day of life is worth more than ten million ryo of gold...One day of life is more valuable than all the treasures of the major world system, so first you must muster sincere faith." (WND-1, pp. 955). Regardless if my grandmother can or can't muster the faith, it is up to mine to battle this final devil in her life. And with that, I must head to the hospital. I thank you all again, and I look to update here more frequently.